Good parenting


It’s something I’m clearly not doing well. I seriously think my kids are at times feral, crazy, messy, shouty, violent little beings.

Things I have found myself saying to the boys –

Put the dog down, she is not a scarf

Please get off your brothers head he can’t breathe

No you cannot pee in the garden, I don’t care if the dog does it

You do not tell strangers that they are a poo

Stop pointing at the bald man. It IS normal to be bald, there’s nothing wrong with him (in response to Bear’s cries of ‘Mummy that man has no hair! Mummy, MUMMY WHY DOES HE HAVE NO HAIR???’ – this was while we were sat two rows behind said bald man in the cinema and my dear Bear isn’t exactly quiet)

Pull your trousers up and stop pretending your brother is a toilet

Why are you trying to eat his hair?

Don’t pour your juice into your cereal

My dress is not a tissue, go to the toilet and blow your nose

Stickers go on paper not the dog

If you go outside naked the birds will eat your winkle

I could go on like this forever but people will start to think I’m a worse parent than I actually am, my kids are occasionally¬†unruly¬†hooligans but I’m good with that since they’re so entertaining. Never a dull moment with these two!