139 – A little walk to the Quay, my boys love the boats.
140 – Bear loves bubbles – hooray for bubble machines!
141 – It may be strange to take photos of other people’s houses but this is my favourite cottage on my walks down the country lanes. I’d love to live there, miles away from anyone! Gorgeous!
142 – Yay for more water fights, yay for afternoon sunshine! Won’t be long before both of them are in school full time – we have only until September. Make the most of it while we can =)
143 – I’m slightly obsessed with the view from my bedroom window. I think it’s rather lovely.
144 – Although Thursday was my niece’s birthday we were asked if she could have a party at our house. Obviously I said yes so I prepared her cake in advance! Only the night before but for me that’s ahead of the game 😉
145 – The beautiful birthday girl herself enjoying Bear’s bubble machine haha! Couldn’t have asked for a nicer day.
132 – I lost the dog for a fair few minutes. I was really starting to freak out when I found the fluffy muppet curled up on top of and partly covered by a pile of clean washing… That’ll teach me for not folding and putting away soon enough won’t it? Fluffy little beast.
133 – The card I made for my Grandad.
134 – This is what happens when Bear gets hold of my make up bag. He likes to copy mummy!
135 – Gryffin’s magic beanstalk seems to be growing! Bear’s is the little teeny one behind it – I’m thinking they may need separate pots haha!
136 – I’ve been playing with making a waffle blanket! What do you think?
137 – Not the best photo but definitely the most gorgeous sunset I’ve seen. So beautifully pink and purple!
138 – We’re glad the sun came back. We hope it stays. Water fights are so much fun!
So how was your week?
I left school at 18 with more than the average 8 GCSE’s all with pretty decent grades (A-C) and one A level. I went on to college and completed an Art Foundation Degree – my family view this as a waste of time since I decided I didn’t want to do anything art related afterwards. I went on to work as a carer in a nursing home. Shortly after I found out I was pregnant and after having my first son I didn’t go back in to work, I’ve been out of work now for more than 5 years. This hasn’t been a problem as we’ve lived fairly comfortably with just The Man’s wage – no holidays and the likes but in all honesty do you actually need to jet off abroad somewhere to relax? It’s a want more than a need so we’ve had none of that.
I’ve been thinking recently that I wanted to do more with my life, to add to the household income, to be able to have lovely holidays – not really needed again but it would be nice wouldn’t it?
Yesterday I went for a group interview in college for an access to higher education course. Since I’d been out of education for more than 5 years I had to sit a test. After around an hour and a half I was called in alone and found out that I’d been given a place on the course. Initially I was absolutely thrilled. Once I got home and thought about things properly I became uneasy. I don’t know whether it’s because it’s been that long since I’ve thought of myself as anything other than a mum or just that the reality of my situation isn’t as easy as I first thought.
The hours on this course are pretty intense. I’ll be in most days from 9 until 5. Since we don’t have a car (still) I’ll have to get on a bus which means leaving the house even earlier. From September both of my boys will be in school for full days but neither myself nor their dad will be at home to pick them up from school. We live a fair distance from any of our family so we won’t be able to ask them to help us out which means we’ll have to pay for childcare. I said earlier we’ve managed fine with only The Man’s wage but that hasn’t ever covered childcare costs since I’ve always been at home with my boys.
The other problem with the long hours is that it will be leaving the poor dog alone for around 9-10 hours daily. There is absolutely no way I’m getting rid of my dog – some members of the family (The Man’s side) have actually suggested this to me, seriously!
The main issue I have with all of it is the fact that I’ll be leaving my boys. Even when I am home I’ll be too busy with coursework and assignments to give them the attention that they’re used to. It will only get worse when I go on to University – which is the whole aim of this course. The hours will be longer, the workload larger and the expenses will be enormous. I probably will get a great job at the end of it but is it worth it?
Once you’re a mummy is it possible to go into further education or will I be eaten alive with guilt for leaving my boys? Is it better for them to miss their mummy and for me to get a decent job or is it selfish for me to even think about?
This week I’ve not felt the usual love for 365. I have really, really struggled. It’s probably got a lot to do with the absolutely dreadful weather we’ve had after such a promising start – I was fooled into thinking that the sun was here to stay, my mood has been as bleak as the sky. The sun left me after the glorious bank holiday Monday. I’m feeling cold, very cold. Come back sunshine! Come back happy!
It’s the weather and also the fact my camera is packing in. Bloody thing is on is acting half asleep and out of all of the photos I take, less than half of them I’m able to open. The rest come up as empty files. Wonderful. Very sulky.
125 – My youngest sister has recently asked me if I’d like to make her some crochet props for her photography. I need no excuse to crochet so here is what I came up with, the finished item. This one is big enough to fit my niece.
126 – This bank holiday was pretty much the only gorgeous day we’ve had this week. It was stunning. We spent the day up on the mountain with Daddy and Taidy!
127 – Lola the fluffbutt’s favourite splashing place.
128 – I’m seriously in a sulk with all the rain but it’s been good for all the plants. Everything is looking wonderfully fresh. The sun still needs to come back though.
129 – While making dinner for myself and Bear he asked me how to spell T-rex, I replied then came into the living room to find this. Sometimes he scares me how clever he is.
130 – My other sister saw the first headband and requested another for my remaining niece. I naturally had to try it on Gryffin first. Poor Gryffin. He looks beautiful though don’t you think?
131 – I happen to think the local cemetery is rather beautiful. Does that make me strange?
118 – It isn’t just the boys that are enjoying the warmer weather! Fluffybum loves the garden.
119 – Nearly bedtime, I don’t think Gryffin could hold on any longer. Bear is clearly just being Bear – colouring in his nails after his bath – naturally!
120 – I am a cruel Mummy, Gryffin is modelling a headband I made for my niece.
121 – I love yellow.
122 – Bear doing what Bear loves best – blowing bubbles! This time they were for a special little girl on her birthday.
123 – My niece Jellybean taking down a viscous T-Rex single handedly!
124 – My youngest sister’s new pup, absolutely adorable.
Today I took a walk with my little Bear.
We walked to Bear’s favourite place and there I told him a story.
A special story about a special little girl.
A story that ended far too soon but a story that will live on forever.
A story about the birthday of an angel.
‘What is her name Mamma?’
‘Oh that’s beautiful, where is she Mamma?’
‘She’s in heaven sweetie, she’s in the sky looking down on us, she’s in the stars, she’s in the smiles and giggles of small children’
His eyes widened as he stared around him, he smiled and said;
‘I think I see her over there Mamma!’
‘Happy birthday Tilda Mae!’
Happy birthday little one.
There will be an auction to raise money for The Lullaby Trust in Matilda’s name and memory. For more detail go over to Edspire and Ghostwritermummy. The auction will be running from the 11th-20th May.
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