244 – Man and mini man walk the dog.
245 – A lovely walk over to the Castle to say farewell to the summer.
246 – The first brand shiny new day of school. Proud of my boys.
247 – Down to work on just the second day of school. Gryffin is such a good boy.
248 – A finished order – the boys didn’t much appreciate me trying it on them haha!
249 – Another order on the go, teeny size this time.
250 – Bear’s interesting find. Ew.
I really have been neglecting my blog of late. Yes there is an entire week of 365 missing (the photos I have, just getting them here is the issue). Too much to do and so many things going wrong just don’t leave me with the desire to keep up with things. I have had THE biggest whoha with my ridiculous camera, when that issue was solved – sort of, does borrowing someone else’s count as solved? Probably not. Anyhow… I sorted that problem and then in a rather ridiculous way went and tipped an entire pint of water down the back of my laptop. Seriously. Someone would think I do these things on purpose. Ughh. Here I am though! Updating the photos I can actually get hold of – the others are stuck on the frazzled and rather dead laptop but I’m promised that I will get them back. Somehow. I don’t really do computers so the man may as well be speaking another language…
223 – The view from the top of the hill – a bit of a trek but oh so worth it don’t you think?
224 – Cheeky little Bear making water ‘drawings’ on the wall behind him, good job it dries haha!
225 – Bear decorating himself! I drew around the boys bodies and left them with free reign. Of course Bear was going to be green…
226 – Pretending to be Kings, this is a great almost local walk. There are ruins up there too, have to remember to photograph them next time!
227 – My first fully completed crocheted item of wearable clothing! Super exciting! Hope my niece likes it!
228 – A little bike ride for Gryffin. He’s not wearing a helmet – terrible parenting – but he’s perfectly safe, he’s on an unused car park – no traffic of any sort. He loves his bike.
229 – I think this is my favourite spot ever. Love the sound of the water, so peaceful!
188 – The flowers on our potato plants, I must say I’m surprised they’ve survived – I am not green fingered in any way aha!
189 – Wahoo! Water fights and camping in the garden, such fun!
190 – Progress on Gryffin’s blanket – I’m loving it so far, totally random =)
191 – Has anyone apart from me seen this happen? The woodlouse flipped onto it’s back, wiggled it’s legs around and all the teeny tiny little ones crawled off it’s belly. Fascinating but gross. Bear was absolutely captivated.
192 – Banana bread made especially for Bear by daddy – rather tasty!
193 – I think I cheated a little with the water fight – Gryffin clearly didn’t appreciate the pan full of water mwahahaha. Evil mummy!
194 – Lovely simple granny square blanket for Bear, he loves green!
181 – My first join as you go project!
182 – Sleepy tired puppy
183 – Cheeky little Bear
184 – Gryffin playing peepo in the rocks
185 – Gryffin left this for Bear, Bear’s poor bunny – he never stood a chance!
186 – Beautiful walk in the gorgeous sunshine. You’ve got to love Betws!
187 – Donkey ride at the Summer Gala! Gryffin looks pretty excited don’t you think? He now wants a pet donkey…
167 – Lovely peaceful walk.
168 – Bear very kindly left me his friends to keep me company once he’d gone to bed.
169 – Gryffin decided tonight he was going to leave me his friends like Bear did the night before. I’m sure he was trying to be sweet but the cat with the gun looks rather menacing don’t you think?
170 – Trying out a pattern for bunting. I think it’s adorable – the man doesn’t agree…
171 – Loving the sunshine through the leaves, it’s been rather miserable so the sun is a lovely sight. Summer my backside!
172 – Grown in my garden =)
173 – Pretties in the making
174 – First customer piece (not counting my sister). Clashes wonderfully with my carpet haha!
175 – The start of putting it together. Not something to begin at almost midnight. Two leaves down and time for bed.
176 – Tada! I finished it in the morning. Pretty pleased with it.
177 – A lovely little footpath on a lovely sunny day.
178 – A quick make, pretty little flower for a headband.
179 – The blanket is getting bigger!
180 – My favourite view on my favourite walk =)
160 – I finally finished the baby blanket I’d been working on.
161 – A lovely little note from Bear! You can’t see it all but it says ‘I love you’
162 – Bear had gone very quiet while I was making dinner, I found him in the living room like this and couldn’t resist tickling him while he was stuck – evil mum mwahahaha!
163 – A really fast crochet project – a ruffly nappy cover.
164 – Gryffin found the blanket. He then decided that his favourite colour is pink. He now wants to keep it…
165 – Shells Bear picked up from a quick visit to the beach, he loves his collections
166 – The Man up a tree supposedly showing the boys how it’s ‘really done’, he’s actually wondering how he’ll get down. Daft sod.
I left school at 18 with more than the average 8 GCSE’s all with pretty decent grades (A-C) and one A level. I went on to college and completed an Art Foundation Degree – my family view this as a waste of time since I decided I didn’t want to do anything art related afterwards. I went on to work as a carer in a nursing home. Shortly after I found out I was pregnant and after having my first son I didn’t go back in to work, I’ve been out of work now for more than 5 years. This hasn’t been a problem as we’ve lived fairly comfortably with just The Man’s wage – no holidays and the likes but in all honesty do you actually need to jet off abroad somewhere to relax? It’s a want more than a need so we’ve had none of that.
I’ve been thinking recently that I wanted to do more with my life, to add to the household income, to be able to have lovely holidays – not really needed again but it would be nice wouldn’t it?
Yesterday I went for a group interview in college for an access to higher education course. Since I’d been out of education for more than 5 years I had to sit a test. After around an hour and a half I was called in alone and found out that I’d been given a place on the course. Initially I was absolutely thrilled. Once I got home and thought about things properly I became uneasy. I don’t know whether it’s because it’s been that long since I’ve thought of myself as anything other than a mum or just that the reality of my situation isn’t as easy as I first thought.
The hours on this course are pretty intense. I’ll be in most days from 9 until 5. Since we don’t have a car (still) I’ll have to get on a bus which means leaving the house even earlier. From September both of my boys will be in school for full days but neither myself nor their dad will be at home to pick them up from school. We live a fair distance from any of our family so we won’t be able to ask them to help us out which means we’ll have to pay for childcare. I said earlier we’ve managed fine with only The Man’s wage but that hasn’t ever covered childcare costs since I’ve always been at home with my boys.
The other problem with the long hours is that it will be leaving the poor dog alone for around 9-10 hours daily. There is absolutely no way I’m getting rid of my dog – some members of the family (The Man’s side) have actually suggested this to me, seriously!
The main issue I have with all of it is the fact that I’ll be leaving my boys. Even when I am home I’ll be too busy with coursework and assignments to give them the attention that they’re used to. It will only get worse when I go on to University – which is the whole aim of this course. The hours will be longer, the workload larger and the expenses will be enormous. I probably will get a great job at the end of it but is it worth it?
Once you’re a mummy is it possible to go into further education or will I be eaten alive with guilt for leaving my boys? Is it better for them to miss their mummy and for me to get a decent job or is it selfish for me to even think about?
Today I took a walk with my little Bear.
We walked to Bear’s favourite place and there I told him a story.
A special story about a special little girl.
A story that ended far too soon but a story that will live on forever.
A story about the birthday of an angel.
‘What is her name Mamma?’
‘Oh that’s beautiful, where is she Mamma?’
‘She’s in heaven sweetie, she’s in the sky looking down on us, she’s in the stars, she’s in the smiles and giggles of small children’
His eyes widened as he stared around him, he smiled and said;
‘I think I see her over there Mamma!’
‘Happy birthday Tilda Mae!’
Happy birthday little one.
There will be an auction to raise money for The Lullaby Trust in Matilda’s name and memory. For more detail go over to Edspire and Ghostwritermummy. The auction will be running from the 11th-20th May.
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